AMERICAN PIONEERS 12 step fundamentalists

Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible. Whats the problem?" "My mother died in June, and left me $10,000", said the friend. "Gee, thats tough", he replied. "Then in July", the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000". The man looking concerned says, "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed". The friend continues, "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000". "Three close family members lost in three months??? How sad!" "And then this month," the friend said, "... Nothing! Not a single dime!"

 

Gratitude should go forward, rather than backward. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 29

 

Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break them. These relationships have a compulsive quality; you get hurt, but you keep going back for more, in the hope of changing something. In codependent relationships you comply. You adapt to the dysfunction of the relationship and deny your own reality, especially what you are feeling. You also control. You try to manipulate your partner, and the relationship, to be what you want them to be, when they may not be. You control yourself in order to try to fit when you do not. So compliance is a passive way of controlling. Compliance and controlling are essentially dishonest. Dishonesty in relationships does not, ultimately, work; clarity and honesty do.

medical science has improved the quality of life for many people. Millions who would otherwise be faced with a lifetime of pain are able to find relief, thanks to prescription painkillers like Vicodin,Percocet, and Oxycontin.

Unfortunately, for some, the allure of prescription drugs becomes too much. Regular use becomes abuse, which ends in full-blown addiction and dependence. There are, fortunately, warning signs of prescription drug addiction. If you notice them in yourself or a loved one, it may be time to consider finding professional help.

Some of the warning signs of prescription drug addiction include the following:

1. Increase in Usage - Because prolonged use of many prescription medications leads to increased tolerance of the drug and lower efficacy, people who may be becoming addicted have to use increasing amounts of it just to feel normal.
2. Withdraws from Society - A potential addict will begin to draw away from family, friends, and co-workers.
3. Spends Time Getting Prescriptions - A dependent individual will seem preoccupied with getting more of the drug, sometimes driving or waiting for hours or visiting multiple doctors to get a prescription.
4. Personality Changes - While shifts in mood or energy level can be caused by many things, in combination with any of the other warning signs, they may indicate a fledgling problem.
5. Continued Use - If a person continues to use a painkiller even after the pain or condition has resolved itself may be at danger of developing a dependence on it.
6. Changes in Daily Routine - Daily habits will typically change for a person becoming addicted to a drug. Hygiene will suffer, and the person may have trouble eating or sleeping regularly. These changes may get worse as the addiction grows more serious.
7. Suddenly Irresponsible - Drug addiction can cause a person to ignore prior responsibilities, including work, household chores, family obligations, and bills.
8. Overly Sensitive - Signs of overstimulation may appear, including sensitivity to light and sound, or overreactions to emotional input. Hallucinations may also occur, although this can be harder to detect.
9. Forgetful - Blackouts or periods of forgetting previously made plans are classic symptoms of impending dependence on prescription drugs.
10. Defensive - When confronted about their problem, a drug addict will become defensive, lashing out at family and friends who show concern. Even simple questions can trigger violent outbursts.

Getting Help

If you or a loved one demonstrate one or more of the above warning signs while taking a prescription drug, it is important to consider the possibility of addiction. As wonderful as modern pharmaceuticals are when used correctly, they all carry the huge risk of leading to addiction. By recognizing the signs early, you can stop addiction before it gets worse.

Women don’t want to admit it. Their families often turn a blind eye. Yet drug and alcohol addictions that were once considered a man’s problem now affect an estimated 2.7 million women.

Women have different reasons than men for using drugs and tend to become addicted faster and after using smaller amounts of drugs than their male counterparts. They also have different reasons for relapsing. Here are the top five challenges that pose a threat to women in recovery:

#1 Getting into Romantic Relationships Too Soon

Romantic relationships in the early stages are one of the most significant threats to recovery. If (or more likely, when) they go awry, the loss can send recovering addicts into an emotional spiral. Until their new coping mechanisms are securely in place, it is not unusual for relapse to follow every time a relationship goes wrong.

Researchers from the University of Nevada have found that women in particular are at risk of relapse as a result of interpersonal conflicts and low self-worth connected to intimate relationships. Early recovery is a time of self-discovery, when women are figuring out who they are and what they want, perhaps for the first time in their lives.

At a time when thinking can be clouded and emotions run high, women are at greater risk for attracting or becoming attracted to someone who is addicted, abusive or otherwise emotionally unavailable. A relationship during this time is likely to replace recovery as the primary focus, often with devastating results.

#2: Unrecognized Love, Relationship or Sex Addiction

In some cases, being drawn to unhealthy romantic relationships in early recovery can be a sign of a larger problem. Both sex and drugs stimulate the reward circuitry in the brain, putting the person who struggles with drug addiction at greater risk of sex and love addiction, as well as other compulsions and addictions.

“Sex, love and relationship addictions commonly co-occur with substance abuse and are often an unrecognized cause of relapse,” explains Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, an internationally known author, sex addiction specialist and educator, and the creator of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Recovery at The Ranch in Tennessee. “Women who stop using drugs or alcohol but have not fully addressed their underlying emotional challenges may find themselves ‘transferring’ their addiction to the obsessive pursuit of love, romance, sex or relationships. Some who used to be hooked on drugs may now obsessively search for a romantic or sexual partner, pick up strangers at AA meetings, masturbate compulsively, have multiple affairs, or spend much of their day looking at pornography or seeking out partners online.”

Early recovery may present new challenges for some women: the challenge of being alone, feeling worthless or unloved when not in a relationship, or needing the attention of prospective partners to boost self-esteem can all point to a deeper issue of sex and relationship addiction. Women may start using drugs with their partners or cruising for partners in bars, clubs and other places where drug and alcohol use is prevalent. Not only are these hook-ups distracting and dysfunctional, but they also put the recovering addict at increased risk of drug relapse.

#3 Undiagnosed Psychiatric Disorders

More than half of people struggling with drug addiction suffer from co-occurring mental health disorders, such as depression, personality disorders and eating disorders. For women, negative feelings and depressed mood are particularly common before a relapse, whereas men are more likely to relapse as a result of positive emotional states, according to a University of Pennsylvania-Philadelphia study.

When co-occurring disorders are present, successful outcomes depend on accurate diagnosis and integrated treatment as well as specialized relapse prevention planning that teaches women to closely monitor their moods and depressive symptoms.

#4 Stigma and Lack of Support

Women face unique barriers in getting treatment, including care-giving responsibilities, the stigma of being a female addict, lack of resources and inadequate support from loved ones. Whereas marriage seems to reduce men’s risk of returning to drug use, women are at greater risk for relapse as a result of marriage and marital conflict. This may be because women are more likely to be married to heavy-drinking men who continue to imbibe after their spouse completes treatment, while alcoholic men are more often married to light- or non-drinkers.

Studies also show that women are more likely to start drinking again when with a friend or romantic partner. A study by investigators at the University of California, Los Angeles, found that although women are more likely than men to maintain a social network, they are no more likely than men to receive the necessary emotional support or encouragement to stop using drugs.

As a result of this lack of social support, women may have difficulty severing the ties to their drug-using comrades and establishing a new sober network. They may feel pressure to return home and resume their roles, even though going back to the old drug-using environment too soon and failing to modify dysfunctional family roles are well-known contributors to relapse.

#5 Inadequate Coping Skills

Women tend to demonstrate a weaker belief in their ability to handle difficult situations as well as poorer coping skills, according to researchers at University at Buffalo’s Research Institute on Addictions. Because depressed mood is a significant risk factor for women, relapse prevention strategies must emphasize skills that help them cope more effectively with unpleasant emotions and interpersonal problems. In the case of clinical depression or other psychiatric problems, medication may be a necessary component of treatment.

Despite these relapse risks, women in recovery take heart: Multiple studies have found that women are less likely to relapse to drug abuse than men, in part because they are more likely to engage in group counseling. Women are generally more willing to admit a problem with drug use and seek professional help, which removes two significant obstacles – denial and resistance – from the healing process. Combined with comprehensive assessments for co-occurring disorders, individualized treatment and specialized relapse prevention planning, the outlook for women in recovery is bright.

CONGRATULATIONS SCOTT ON THE 4HOUR 12 STEPS

Recovery Anonymous holds an open meeting for those fighting food dependency and addiction at the Chelsea Soldiers Home, 91 Crest Avenue, Monday nights at 7:00 p.m.

Meetings open and free to anyone having trouble with the way they eat, with food disease bulimia. It is 12 step much like AA and its for people who come to recognize they are addicted to food and in particular sugar and flour.

I recently interviewed three women who are members of Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. Their individual battles with overeating or with consuming the wrong things in large quantities was an eye opener. Their stories are compelling. These women needed much more than a diet or a simple eating regimen. They needed to stop their overeating, which was killing them physically and mentally, but they needed to do it in such a way that they recognized their food addiction. Each in their own way came to understand that their irrational and unstoppable desire to overeat all the time was, like all addictions, a nasty turning and twisting road with no end. With Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, they were able to finally and forever kick their addiction to food. Here are their stories.

Lynn

Lynn is 53. She entered Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous in 1985, when she weighed 286 pounds. She recalls that time in her life as a period when she was profoundly unhappy with herself and uncomfortable with her body. She had very low self esteem – and nearly everything coming out of her towards others came out in anger and rage. Dieting was not working. “I heard about this program from a friend. I heard hope. I attended a few meetings and I heard that same hope from others at those initial meetings. Having to lose over 100 pounds seemed impossible to me but I heard stories about people who had lost that kind of weight and kept the weight off,” she recalled.

“Today I weigh 137 pounds. I am 5’7’. Since I started I have remained abstinent which is the equivalent of someone staying off of alcohol.

What is the abstinence she is referring to?

“I don’t eat sugar or flour. I don’t eat between meals. I weigh and measure my food. Wherever I am I do the same thing,” she said.

“I was addicted to food. I knew everything good to do but I was way beyond doing it. My cravings couldn’t be stopped,” she added.

“Today, I don’t feel like an addict. I feel good about myself. I’m no longer driven by the food.”

What did she used to eat in large quantities?

“Peanut butter, ice cream and greasy fried foods. I wanted quantities. The bigger I got the larger the quantity I wanted.”

Madeline

Madeline is 65. She weighs 118 pounds. She is 5’3’  and formerly weighed 280 pounds. “I came in here diagnosed as morbidly obese. I was put on medication for depression. I could lose weight but didn’t know how to keep it off. But along the way, I lost the ability to control my eating – like a drunk, I suffered blackouts from food. I ate enormous amounts of bread, pasta, and cheese. No matter what I ate,  it was never enough,” she said.

“I came to a point where I couldn’t put another bite of food in my mouth 1992,” she said.

“That’s when I began at Food Addicts in Recovery.”

She found comfort there – and more importantly – she found hope.

“I’m a drama queen. Everything for me is about the end of the world. They had a sense of calmness at Food Addicts in Recovery,” she said.

“I went to a meeting every night. I was taught how to cook differently – not the way my mother cooked. I was shown how to weigh and measure my food. I found other options when I cam into this program. I found hope here. I was done dieting. This was my last stop. I don’t know what would have happened without this. I’m not crazy anymore. Piling sugar in my body has the same effect on me as alcohol on an alcohol. Today, I eat only protein, vegetables, grains, salad and fruit. My meal to meal diet is well balanced. I had an unnatural relationship with food especially with sugar and flour, which I no longer eat.”

Lisa

Lisa is 53. She is 5’5”. She entered the program 8 years ago when she weighed about 150 pounds. She wasn’t morbidly obese but she knew because of her unnatural food cravings that she was addicted. She weighs 125 today but the unnatural cravings are no longer corrupting her everyday existence.

“I certainly would not have described myself as a food addict. I was a smoker. I was a workaholic. I knew that I was intense. I changed jobs and relationships. I liked to move. I felt that was the American way,” she recalled.

“I was addicted to politics. I came to Food Addicts in Recovery by accident. I was having dinner with someone I didn’t know that well. We were at a restaurant. I was a secret eater. You have no idea how I ate. I was also an exerciseaholic. I ate privately without anyone watching. I worked our all the time. Eating-working out, eating again. It was a tiring cycle. You don’t have to be obese. It was all about craving for food. I always needed a fix, so to speak. I didn’t want anyone ever to see me eat,” she added.

She said controlling eating addiction controls all other addictions. “I don’t need flour and sugar anymore,” she added.

“Because I learned how to weigh and measure my food, I am able to get through the day now without having to empty bowls of food or drink.

“My addiction is gone.

“I’m thinking beyond the bite. Slowing down.

“I take my time now. I’m happy where I am.”

While it’s not true for everyone, many emotionally sensitive people tend to use food as self-comfort. Eating is one of those strategies that works in the short-term but can have long-term consequences that add to your stress level.

When you go into your closet and nothing fits, that’s a miserable feeling. When your chest is tight and you feel so stuffed with food you can’t move, that’s miserable too.

One of the reasons that emotionally sensitive people use food as comfort is likely due to cortisol. Cortisol’s job is to get you all prepared to fight that tiger lurking outside your cave. It gets your energy up by increasing your heart rate and the blood pumping to your muscles. Cortisol tells the body to release sugar to bloodstream, which is why when you’re upset about your boss criticizing you at work, your body is all on alert to fight, as if there were a tiger about to attack.

You just want to calm down and get rid of this tension and agitation, so you stop at the grocery for cookies, potato chips and dark chocolate ice cream. One of the reasons for this is that high levels of cortisol can create cravings for high fat and sweet foods. High cortisol reactors have been shown to eat more food.

Perhaps this was for quick energy and the conservation of fluid when it was needed to fight way back when. But these days, when you feel threatened emotionally without an actual threat, you don’t need the energy to fight, so the extra calories aren’t used and the pounds add up.

When you’re upset, it’s not a good time to eat. What your body is all prepared to do is to move. A better strategy is to go with this physiological preparedness and do something like jumping jacks or brisk walking. Did you know that explosive jumping is linked to better mood? So not only will you be moving to get the cortisol out of your system but the kind of movement you are doing will help your mood.
In other situations, overeating serves as a way of numbing pain you don’t want to feel, just as someone else might use alcohol to numb their feelings. If this is the reason for overeating, comforting yourself or finding adaptive ways to distract yourself from what is bothering you might help.

The stronger your urge to eat, the more eating may be helping you avoid feelings that you don’t want to have. Staying with the feelings and not giving in to the urge can help you overcome this habit.

Giving in to the urge to eat when you aren’t physically hungry usually results in being emotionally upset about weight issues and perhaps some loss of self-respect. Your mood is likely to go down. You may successfully avoid the painful emotions that triggered you to eat but you end up with painful consequences anyway.

Obsessing about food (but not overeating) and not eating can be used to numb as well. When you are focused on not eating, you don’t think about other issues in your life that might be upsetting. Your entire focus is on appearance, weight and calories. The more nutrient starved you are, the less aware you are. When people suffer from bulimia, they experience a type of foggy numbness after throwing up. Not eating or purging can both be used to avoid painful thoughts and emotions, though that is not the only reason for avoiding food or purging.

It’s normal to want to avoid pain, but creatig more suffering in the long run is not the best choice for coping. Though changing ineffective coping styles requires a lot of work with many ups and downs, the resulting peace is a terrific reward.

Describing the experience of emptiness to individuals who have never experienced it is difficult. How is it that some emotionally sensitive people, who feel so many emotions so intensely, also struggle with emptiness? I asked for wisdom from those who have experienced emptiness*.

Kendra said emptiness feels like a cold shell. Imagine feeling like a shell of a person with no insides, nothing there.

Lynn said, “[experiencing emptiness makes me feel like] I cannot breathe. And I have no where to go for refuge. Suffocating.”

Emptiness doesn’t seem to be about loneliness, though it is an alone feeling. Emptiness seems to be the absence of you. Not knowing who you are, what you feel, or what you want. It’s a hollow, nothingness feeling. Like a puppet just responding to what is expected or what string is pulled. And then not responding at all in any real sense. Feeling blank and then hiding the blankness until you can’t.

Sue said, “I think it’s linked to the criteria of identity disturbance, self-image and sense of self. Not knowing how you’re feeling , or feeling nothing or not knowing what you want in life, leaves you with a dark empty pit, especially for me in my stomach and in my mind…That lovely description of the space between stimulus and response as a positive moment; when there’s a sense of ongoing beingness…without ongoing-ness though, emptiness is a statue space, frozen and yet painful, alive and unmoving, unreachable and yet present. Clear and foggy. Safe and unsafe.”

Chantal said, ” I wouldn’t know where to begin…hallow, empty, dark…I can now control it pretty well, but it can still sometimes creep out of nowhere.”

Kate described emptiness as “I’m drowning, under water looking up… while someone reaches their hand out to me and I simply just smile up at them, without reaching back. Loneliness is when something or even someone you want in your life is missing… or absent. Emptiness is a void. Nothing matters and you wouldn’t know what to feel… if you could even feel anything in the first place. It consumes you and nothing nor no one can fill that void… ”

Feeling empty is more about the self than about others. It doesn’t seem to matter how many people are in your life. A lack of identity, a lack of self-acceptance and shame about who you are seem to contribute to emptiness. It’s also a lack of feeling connected to the world and to other people. Being connected is different from caring about them. You can care about others from a distance. Being connected to the world requires a full involvement, jumping in mindfully, without self consciousness.

Feeling empty partially comes from living in your head, judging every experience and yourself so that you keep a barrier between you and life. Feeling empty is about not being able to take in the love that is given to you, perhaps because you block it with judgments such as believing that you don’t deserve it. Or there’s not a sense of self to hold onto that love. You might feel it in the moment and then it’s gone, almost as if it never existed.

Emptiness can be a form of dissociating, of leaving yourself. It’s like going to the corner of your life and watching without interest.

For some, emptiness is the absence of excitement. Short-term gratification and the chemical rush that comes from new activities, new ways of feeling pleasure can be viewed as happiness. But happiness and excitement are not the same. Happiness is calmer, more peaceful. Creating that contentment is different than participating in an exciting event.

Emptiness is seeing no meaning. It’s a lack of connectedness to the world and to others. Being connected is different from caring. You can care about others from a distance. Being connected requires a full involvement, jumping in mindfully, without self-consciousness.

There is a discomfort in emptiness. Just wanting to feel leads some to seek pain. Others try to fill the emptiness with drugs, alcohol, work, food, or other compulsive behavior. Some become overly dependent on another person.

If you have a sense of emptiness at times, what is that like for you? Each individual may experience it in a different way.

Filling the emptiness means building your identity, finding meaning, contributing and connecting deeply with life and with others.

For over a year and a half, the local coffee shop I frequent had an empty black frame hanging on the wall. And for all of that time, I wondered what the owner, Mo, was thinking.

Was he being cheap? Lazy? Maybe he had walked past that frame so many times he simply didn’t see it anymore.

Then last week, I noticed something. The once empty frame now contained the words “Think Outside the Box.”

After a year and a half of hanging empty on the wall, an artist named Giovanni captured what Mo had wanted to portray with the empty frame all along: there is power in being able to see beyond what is readily apparent.

The phrase “think outside the box” means to consider things in a new and different way.

Everyone sees the world through their own frame, or box. Early on in life, people are given labels, told who they are and what is expected of them. They are ‘put in boxes.’A teacher may label a student as gifted or slow. Parents see one child as the athlete, one as the smart kid, one as the comedian. Peers give the labels of stupid, ugly, dumb, fat, or loser.

But boxes, no matter how ornate or beautiful, are limiting.

Like frames that contains pictures, the boxes that people are in don’t allow for expansion or growth. If someone sees themselves as stupid, they won’t be able to realize their intelligence. They might not even try, because they believe that stupid is all they can be.

People who have a physical or mental illness can feel like they are limited. At times, this comes from others in their lives: spouses, parents, employers, and even doctors. At times, it comes from themselves.

When I saw a picture-less frame, I assumed that it was there by accident or carelessness. I didn’t understand that Mo had placed it there for a reason. The empty frame’s purpose was to encourage the viewer to see things differently, to examine it with curiosity and wonder, to see its potential.

There are many things that are true limits in life, things that are absolute. Time is one example. Death is another. Absolute limits, though, are few.

Most of the limits we experience are limits that we place upon ourselves, or we allow others to place upon us. They simply aren’t true.

Boxes are no place for ideas, thoughts or people. Stretch, hope, and struggle your way out of whatever it is that is holding you back. Leave the boxes in the attic, the frames on the wall. That’s where they belong, anyway.

The concept of loving your neighbor as yourself, as taught by Christ, has nothing to do with the Golden Rule, which implies a transactional expectation of being treated well as a reward for treating others well. Christ told his followers to love without exception and without expectations. In fact, Christ said we should love our enemies and those who hate us. Christianity has been modernized, but Christianity has always changed with the times. At one time, Christians worshipped in private houses, and Eucharist was a part of a common meal. And the Holy Bible has been translated, re-translated and linguistically updated since St. Jerome first translated it from Greek and Hebrew into Latin. Lastly, in my 47 years of life experience, which includes divinity school, I have yet to meet a theologian or clergy person who claimed they knew the mind of God. God is a mystery even to the most erudite and spiritual. If you ever find a pastor who unreservedly states he or she knows the mind of God, I encourage you to let everyone know so we can all safely avoid that person.

 

The chronic use of cocaine can lead to structural changes in the brain that make the user more susceptible to addiction. Researchers at the University of Buffalo and Mount Sinai School of Medicine found that chronic cocaine use reduces the expression of a protein known to regulate brain plasticity in mice, which drives structural changes in the brain, including creating greater sensitivity to the rewarding effects of the drug. “We found that chronic cocaine exposure in mice led to a decrease in this protein’s signaling,” says David Dietz, Ph.D., assistant professor of pharmacology and toxicology in the School of Medicine and Biomedical Sciences. “The reduction of the expression of the protein, called Rac1, then set in motion a cascade of events involved in structural plasticity of the brain — the shape and growth of neuronal processes in the brain. Among the most important of these events is the large increase in the number of physical protrusions or spines that grow out from the neurons in the reward center of the brain. This suggests that Rac1 may control how exposure to drugs of abuse, like cocaine, may rewire the brain in a way that makes an individual more susceptible to the addicted state.” The presence of the spines demonstrates the spike in the reward effect that the user obtains from cocaine, he said. By changing the level of expression of Rac1, Dietz and his colleagues were able to control whether the mice became addicted, by preventing enhancement of the brain’s reward center after exposure to cocaine. To do the experiment, Dietz and his colleagues used a new tool that allowed for light activation to control Rac1 expression. The researchers say this is the first time that a light-activated protein has been used to modulate brain plasticity. “We can now understand how proteins function in a very temporal pattern, so we could look at how regulating genes at a specific time point could affect behavior, such as drug addiction, or a disease state,” said Dietz. Dietz is continuing his research on the relationship between behavior and brain plasticity, looking at how plasticity might determine how much of a drug an animal takes and how persistent the animal is in trying to get the drug.

Middlesbrough Muckers welcome Julie

The MIDDLESBROUGH Muckers are a group of men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of addiction and alcoholism, using the 12 step program as outlined in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous". Central to the Muckers methodology is the action of a single recovered addict or alcoholic, guiding another addict or alcoholic through the Big Book. We have discovered through experience that this one-on-one approach, as described in Chapter 7 of the Big Book, is a powerful method of working the 12 step program of recovery.

CONGRATULATIONS

How many of us know how to fail? Failure is a part of succeeding, especially when your goal is a difficult one to achieve. Persistence is said to be the key to success. Persistence means to keep going even when a door closes. So what’s the difference between people who keep going and crave a challenge and those who give up? You may have heard the story of Edison attempting to invent the light bulb. As the story goes, he tried unsuccessfully so many times, perhaps 9,999 times, that people were questioning his efforts.  They asked, “you have tried so many times and every time you have failed. Why do you keep on going?”  He supposedly responded with “I have not failed 9,999  times. I have successfully found 9,999 ways it won’t work. That brings me 9,999 steps closer to the way it will work.” Our interpretation of “failure” seems to have a lot to do with our reaction to it. For some, failure at a task is the same as being a failure as a person. An action or behavior becomes about our identity. That leads to shame, a very unpleasant experience, one that leads to withdrawal and hiding form others. It’s a judgmental way of looking at yourself. If you judge yourself by whether something you do is a success or not, then who you are depends on the outcome of your efforts, not your efforts or what you learned in the process. Your whole sense of who you are would be at stake every time you attempted a task. Growth would not enter the picture. Taking risks or learning new skills would be risky and scary if you have this view of identity. Imagine if you could see failure as a growth experience. If you could, then facing obstacles and problems could be an opportunity instead of a disaster. Instead of feeling discouraged and hopeless when outcomes aren’t what you want, you would view the “failure” as simply the way the world is. Develop A Growth Mindset Carole Dweck says that people tend to have either a “fixed mindset” or a “growth mindset.” A fixed mindset would say that each time you attempt to do something it is a reflection of how smart you are, how talented you are or your character traits. Each situation defines you as a winner or a loser. A growth mindset is the belief that your basic qualities are things you cultivate through your efforts. A growth mindset would see failure as an opportunity to learn. People with a growth mindset would welcome the feedback. One path to being willing to risk failure and pursue dreams is to develop a growth mindset and change the way you view outcomes of your efforts. This would mean practicing over and over and reminding yourself that learning from your experiences is a part of life, that failing means you are taking risks and growing as a person. This approach is like looking at failures as a time to be grateful that you are living life fully rather than playing it safe. Self-Compassion Another possibility to help you accept failure without judgment is to use self-compassion. Failure is a universal human experience. We’ve all failed at something in our lives and will probably fail many more times. You aren’t alone in failing at something you try to do. It’s part of being human. Failure is not a pleasant experience, so consider being compassionate with yourself, accepting your humanness, instead of judging yourself. Change Your Focus Consider that success is making the effort and putting in the work. Focus on what you can control, not on what you cannot. Then focus on what you learned, what you will know next time. Remember to self-validate instead of judging. If you see failing at a task as being about who you are instead of what you do, and if you see failing as a permanent situation instead of a step on the way to success, then of course you will react negatively to failure. You will see it as a negative judgement of who you are. This leads to giving up, not wanting to take risks or learning something you don’t know, and being fearful whenever you face a problem. Your identity could be at risk over the success of a birthday party or a dinner out with friends. Practicing seeing failure for what it is, an activity or plan that didn’t work out, can help you learn to cope in a more helpful way.

When eating is motivated by pleasure, rather than hunger, endogenous rewarding chemical signals are activated which can lead to overeating, according to a recent study accepted for publication in The Endocrine Society's Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism (JCEM). The phenomenon ultimately affects body mass and may be a factor in the continuing rise of obesity. See Also: Health & Medicine Diet and Weight Loss Obesity Eating Disorder Research Mind & Brain Eating Disorders Nutrition Research Dieting and Weight Control Living Well Reference Appetite High fructose corn syrup Eating disorder Hyperglycemia "'Hedonic hunger' refers to the desire to eat for pleasure, and to enjoy the taste, rather than to restore the body's energy needs,"says Palmiero Monteleone, MD, of the University of Naples SUN in Italy and lead author of this study. "For example, desiring and eating a piece of cake even after a satiating meal is consumption driven by pleasure and not by energy deprivation. The physiological process underlying hedonic eating is not fully understood, but it is likely that endogenous substances regulating reward mechanisms like the hormone ghrelin and chemical compounds such as 2-arachidonoylglycerol (2-AG) are involved." In this study, researchers assessed eight satiated healthy adults, aged 21-33 years, feeding them each their personal favorite food and, later, a less-palatable food of equal caloric and nutrient value. Researchers periodically measured 2-AG and ghrelin levels. The plasma levels of ghrelin and 2-AG increased during hedonic eating, with the favorite foods, but not with non-hedonic eating. This increase suggests an activation of the chemical reward system, which overrides the body's signal that enough has been eaten to restore energy. "Hedonic hunger may powerfully stimulate overeating in an environment where highly palatable foods are omnipresent, and contribute to the surge in obesity,"says Monteleone. "Understanding the physiological mechanisms underlying this eating behaviour may shed some light on the obesity epidemic. Further research should confirm and extend our results to patients with obesity or with other eating disorders in order to better understand the phenomenon of hedonic eating."

 

Your words are like quick sand
Empty, hollow, and deceiving
they look warm and inviting
yet provide no ground to stand

The fool who believes
will be sucked in,
under the surface, deep within,
suffocating in your lies,
fighting for sanity…
they are done in, unless they cut all ties
refuse to rely on you for anything.

In your wake, chaos and confusion
broken promises, demise of a union.
Mired in your own creation
all is good and bright in your world

As you lie beneath the hollow
nice and snug, protecting the lies
they look like truth in your eyes
all is good and bright in your world

You cover up, you justify,
“why is this such a big deal?”
“why are are you getting angry?”
You wonder why people are bitter
“why do you shun me, my dear?”

You are afraid to get sucked in
if you look within
you hope it will go away
Try to lead others astray
when they point within
I will do it tomorrow… or another day

And you distract yourself again
give it a little time, there is no rush
the world will not end
“Ooops, I just forgot”
And you distract yourself again

Are you afraid of the darkness?
Do you forget that where light shine,
all becomes warm and bright?
You say you want the light
yet rely on others to find it within.

You forget to look on your own
to give yourself the gift of your love,
your own nurturing embrace
a time to be still, and your creation to own.

You will never get where you are
unless you are willing to be with yourself
on your own.

What will it take for you to own,
to realize you¹re fully grown
that no one else can love you dear
if you do not love you on your own.

(published in 2005)

What will it take for you to face
all the lies so plain to see
that you deny and cannot see.

What will it take for you to love
all of yourself
your lies and truths, so plain to see
to redeem your past and be present.

what will it take to stand up tall
to speak a word and mean it all
to take the action and follow through
respect and honor your commitments
respect and honor yourself.

What will it take for you to nurture
from deep within
the love that lies still.

Be true, be still, be you, today.

"Be Grateful To Everybody" If we were to make a list of the people we don't like-people we find obnoxious, threatening or worthy of contempt-we would find much about ourselves that we can't face. If we were to come up with one word about each of the troublemakers in our lives, we would find ourselves with a list of descriptions of our own rejected qualities. We project these on the outside world. The people who repel us unwittingly show us aspects of ourselves that we find unacceptable, which otherwise we can't see. Traditional lojong teachings say it another way: other people trigger the karma we haven't worked out. They mirror us and give us a chance to befriend all of that ancient stuff we carry around like a backpack full of granite boulders. "Be grateful to everyone" is a way of saying that we can learn from any situation, especially if we practice this slogan with awareness. The people and situations in our lives can remind us to catch neurosis as neurosis-to see when we've pulled the shades, locked the door, and crawled under the covers." (Comfortable With Uncertainty)